


If I Fall

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-24
Updated: 2011-05-01
Packaged: 2019-01-19 21:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12418155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: James has always loved Lily, but Lily has always hated James. Will he finally be able to make her see that they are made for each other? Starts in their sixth year and goes through their seventh. Canon!





	1. Mates and Meetings

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

**A/N-So I had a mishap with this website and I couldn’t get onto my old account so I used to be the8thweasely and my account is still on the website but I couldn’t access it so now I am golden_rain! This is the new and revised version of I’d Lie. I basically abandoned the other one, so this one is going to be _much_ better!**

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or major plot points that you recognize**

**~~**

 September the first was always a cheery day in my mind. It signified not only getting away from Petunia, my dreadful sister, but also starting a brand new school year. It was a clean slate that held many good promises. But this year it was different. I was starting my sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which was supposed to be a pleasant break between O.W.L year and N.E.W.T year, but so far it had already turned out to be difficult on many levels. 

Even walking onto Platform 9 ¾ was tainted by the image of who I might see on the other side. Surprisingly there were multiple people I would rather not have had to talk to. Top of that list is none other than the infamous James Potter. 

Sure he seems to be a quality well rounded guy; he does well in classes, plays on the Quidditch team, and is one of the most popular boys in school. But that is not all. He is a one of the four Marauders that terrorize and entertain the general Hogwarts population. They consist of James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. The formerly mentioned two are probably the biggest pranksters the school has ever seen, while the latter two have only been sucked into the black hole that is James and Sirius’s lack of conscience. However, the dynamics of the group is not the reason why I am so keen of avoiding James Potter. It is the fact that he is a conceited, chauvinistic, annoying prat that gets pleasure in causing other students pain, mostly Severus Snape.

Which brings us to another person I do not want to see when I cross through the barrier. Snape use to be one of my best friends, which makes not wanting to see him seem unusual. Sev grew up in Spinners End, a street just a few over from mine. I didn’t meet him until we were ten, but we had made an instant connection over our weird quirks. When I met him I had no idea I was a witch and the magical world was just something heard of in fairy tales. But he opened a door for me when he told me I was a witch. Of course at first I didn’t believe him, but it all made sense. I had always been different; I could make strange things happen without knowing how I was doing it or why. With Sev’s explanation my whole world changed, and it wasn’t long after that I received an acceptance letter from Hogwarts. 

I was so excited; I had a new best friend, a new outlook on life, and a new world in which I wasn’t going to be considered a freak or abnormal. But things didn’t turn out like that. At home Sev had seemed so kind, but certain people at school brought out the worst in him, primarily Potter. Sev had told me all about the four houses at Hogwarts, and I was undecided about which one I wanted to be in, I was pretty sure I would like Ravenclaw; however, Sev was pretty deadset on Slytherin.

I never found this odd, of course. I was so naïve back then as to what being in Slytherin meant, but once I found out I wasn’t ready to lose my only friend to a stupid prejudice. Sev and I remained friends even though he was sorted into Slytherin, as he had been hoping, and I was sorted into Gryffindor, its bitter rival. All the odds were against us, but somehow we made it work. There were problems from the start though, and those began with Potter. As soon as Sev and Potter saw each other they loathed each other. Soon enough Potter had his cronies, but it was harder for Sev to make friends and Potter teased him relentlessly for it. 

Every chance that they got they were in each other’s faces, trying to show the other up. Potter excelled in Defense Against the Dark Arts while Sev started excelling in the actual dark arts. He started hanging around with a group that I didn’t approve of, but what was I to do? I tried to tell him, but it was no use. He started slipping away from me, and I tried fervently to make him stop, but he never did. And then one day he went too far. It was after our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L last year. It was a beautiful day and everyone was lounging about outside, near the Black Lake. Potter was being a complete twat as usual, and decided to attack Sev when his back was turned. I couldn’t help but stand up for Sev; he was my friend after all. 

It turned out to be the wrong thing to do. I marched over to Potter and told him to stop and that he was a conceited toe rag and to leave Sev alone. Potter stopped but insisted that I go out with him, a favorite past time of his, I was outraged and of course said no. I tried to help Sev up and tell him to ignore Potter, but he had been pushed too far and did the unthinkable. He called me a mudblood, which is a very filthy name for someone who is muggleborn like me. I knew the people who Sev hung out with said things like that, and were very big into the pureblood mania, but Sev had always promised me he didn’t think that way. Apparently it wasn’t true and his true colors were finally showing. He apologized profusely after and is still trying to apologize by sending me a constant stream of owls. But he officially terminated our friendship with that outburst of his, hence, why I didn’t not want to run into him either. 

I didn’t think avoiding Potter would be a big challenge, he was easy to see in a crowd due to being quite tall and lanky, but I was pretty sure that Sev would be a different story. Damn. I had to stop calling him Sev; he’s Snape now, isn’t he? After all of what he did I don’t know how I can call him Sev, but not anymore. It’s Snape now, I have to deal with the fact that he is the enemy now.

As I casually leaned against the brick wall looking around to make sure no muggles would see me disappearing these thoughts ran through my mind. I can’t possibly avoid Potter for forever, unfortunately he is also in Gryffindor so I will have to face him at some point, but I can promise it will not be a civil conversation. We have been known in the past to get in rather large and loud arguments, but if Potter so much as looks at me I will hex him until he can no longer see straight. He’s ruined one of my friendships and he’s spoiled someone for me, and I can never forgive him for that.

Lost in thought, I start to make my way across the platform, wriggling through the crowd of screaming students, crying parents, screeching owls, and luggage trolleys. Struggling to keep my trolley balanced, I duck every time I saw a dark head pass that could be Snape, or a lanky boy stroll by that could be Potter. I make my way to the train, but that’s the easy part. Getting onto a confined space where it will be quite easy for either Snape or Potter to locate me makes me feel uneasy. I clamber onto the train ungracefully trying to look in all directions for a face that screams danger. I walked along the train corridor, peaking in compartments, not only looking for Potter or Snape at this point but also my best mates Hannah Wright and Emma Pernell. 

While passing by a compartment that looked empty at first glance I noticed a suitcase already on the luggage rack that looks quite familiar. A tag hangs off the bag that neatly reads _Property of Emma Elizabeth Pernell._ I smile to myself knowing Emma has probably gone out looking for Hannah or me. I slide open the compartment and store my luggage next to Emma’s on the rack, then sit on the left side of the compartment. 

It’s weird, but Emma and I always sit on the left and Hannah always has the right side to herself. Hannah always says it’s because she is the tallest and she needs room to stretch her legs, unlike us with our short ones. I smile to myself, realizing how much I’ve missed both of my best friends over the summer. Hannah had gone to visit some relatives in Paris for most of the summer, and her elaborate letters never ceased to amuse my imagination, while Emma had a more laid back summer spending it with her grandmother in the countryside. 

The compartment door slides open and I quickly look up just in time to see a mass of blond curls attack me. Emma’s disposition is normally sweet and serene, but she’s looking quite excited at the moment, or I believe she does. Her arms are wrapped too tightly around my neck for me to really see anything. She jumps back, full of smiles. 

“Lily! It’s so great to see you! Of course it was great being able to write letters, but I wish we had been able to see each other more often!” Emma said, sitting next to me. I didn’t lie about always sitting on the same side. I grin back at her, realizing how great it is to see her again.

“It’s great to see you too Em, I wish you had been able to visit! But is your grandmother doing okay?” I questioned. Emma was supposed to visit me over break in July but her grandmother had been sick and she was unable to come.

“Oh yeah, she’s fine, nothing to worry about. I take it Hannah still isn’t here,” Emma said, glancing around the compartment and rolling her eyes. I smile. Hannah is always late for everything; she seems to have an internal clock that ticks five minutes slower than everyone else’s. 

“Of course she isn’t, that would mean she would be three minutes early,” I said. Glancing at my watch; it’s ten fifty-seven. She’ll probably show up at eleven o’ clock exactly. 

“So, how was your summer? Your letters didn’t tell much to be honest,” Emma asked. Always the observant one, she is. My smile falters a little, but I plaster it back on before Emma can realize I’m still upset over the events that occurred at the end of last year.

“Oh, it was fine, just boring. There are only so many times you can be called ‘freak’ without wanting to strangle the person doing the name calling.” Of course I’m talking about Petunia, seeing as ‘freak’ is her favorite name for me. However, Emma frowns; she doesn’t like to think that Petunia actually hates me. She always sees the best in people although I really don’t see why. 

“I’m so sorry Lils, that must have been difficult,” Emma said, giving me a comforting pat that’s almost motherly. 

Emma has that personality that radiates warmth and motherliness. She’s the caretaker of our group, seeing as Hannah tends to be a bit forgetful and most of the time quite late. And me, well. I love my friends dearly, but I can never seem to do things as effortlessly as Emma. Before I can respond to Emma, the compartment door slides open again showing a tan, but slightly disgruntled Hannah. Whenever Hannah arrives somewhere she has the ability to look disgruntled, yet beautiful at the same time. She does things effortlessly, like Emma, but it’s a different effortless. As Hannah pushes her way into the compartment her face splits into a huge smile, and apparently unable to contain her joy anymore she attacks Emma and me. 

“Oh, it is so, so, so, so lovely to see both of you! We have so much to catch up on! I wish I could’ve gotten here a few minutes earlier; we could have had more time to chat! It’s quite an interesting story as to why I nearly missed the train! It really is! My Aunt Almeda nearly burnt her eyebrow off, and that is the normal part of the story!” Hannah rambled on in her normal manner, talking quickly and not stopping for breath. 

The funny thing about Hannah is that she always has an interesting story as to why she is late, or why she is incapable of doing something, and they’re all true. Hannah’s parents travel a lot for their job, so she’s stuck living with her crazy Aunt Almeda who makes up her own potion remedies for various ailments and sells them on what we believe to be the wizard black market. Emma and I exchange a knowing look as Hannah settles in her seat across from us. Hannah may be a bit hectic, but we loved her for it all the same and she completes our little trio. She stretches across the seat in her usual manner, propping her legs up. As she settles in she continues talking about her Aunt and what I assume to be the story as to why she almost missed the Hogwarts Express, which has already started chugging along past the countryside. 

Hannah has a small heart shaped face that’s framed with chocolate brown hair that is straight no matter what. Her eyes are a stunning bright gray that can see through any lie that I tell. I met Hannah on our very first train ride. I had been sitting with Snape in a compartment when Hannah stormed in. Back then she was quite short having not hit any growth spurts, but she had a fierce persona for someone so small. Snape and I had just been talking when she came in, red faced and emitting anger. She didn’t seem to notice that anyone else was in the compartment, and if she did she didn’t care. She started talking to herself, it was actually more like rambling and she kept pacing back and forth, still not paying any attention to either of us. Finally I spoke up, reluctantly to be honest; I hadn’t wanted to interrupt her. I still remember the look in her eyes when she saw me. They lit up and got all shiny as if she was going to cry. The very first thing she said to me was “We are going to be best mates, yes?” I don’t know how she knew it then, but she was right. It wasn’t long after that that Snape left the compartment and we really started talking. We bonded almost immediately, probably over the fact that we were two first year girls who had absolutely no idea what to really expect from Hogwarts (her Aunt hadn’t really told her anything). At the welcoming feast, we stuck to each other like glue. I was frightened by everyone and everything, but she was ready to make friends, and that’s how we met Emma. She had been sitting a few people down from us, and Hannah invited her to join us. After that we were friends, just like that. It had been so easy back then. Back when people made friends so easily. Now I guess it is easier to lose them. 

I’m jolted out of my train of thoughts about a younger, happier Snape and me when Emma asks if there’s a prefects meeting. I glance at my watch and gasp, how is it already eleven thirty? We just got onto the train! I frantically get up, thanking Emma for reminding me and shouting a goodbye halfway through the doorway. I rush down the corridor. The meeting doesn’t technically start until eleven forty-five, but everyone knew all the good, serious prefects get there at eleven thirty. It’s kind of the code of conduct in some strange way. I enter the compartment at the front of the train. It’s much larger than the normal compartments, and it has many more seats in it to accommodate for all the prefects. I search the compartment for a familiar face and I find just who I am looking for, beckoning for me from across the room. 

Remus Lupin may be a Marauder but he’s the only decent one. Well, actually, that’s not true, there is nothing wrong with Peter per say, he just doesn’t give off that Marauder aura, which makes most people forget about him when thinking about that scheming group of mad men. Remus is not only actually nice, but he’s the other Gryffindor prefect in my year, just proving that he actually is a genuinely good person, he just has awful friends. I make my way through the seats, sitting down next to Remus with a little humph. 

“Hullo Lily, how was your summer?” Remus asked, raising his eyebrows amusedly at my current state of being, which I can imagine looks a bit frantic. 

“Oh, it was nice. How was yours?” I asked, not even bothering to answer the question Remus had asked with his raised eyebrows. I think he understands, because he just continues the conversation.

“It was a typical summer,” Remus replied, not really being specific, but I’m not going to pry.

“That’s great. I almost forgot about the meeting! Thank god Em reminded me or I would be the worst prefect ever,” I said.Even though Remus is my favorite Marauder we aren’t very close. Potter always got in the way with that. Whenever I was anywhere near Remus other than doing rounds, Potter was there too. Soon enough I stopped trying to hang out with Remus other than patrol duties, and by now we’ve built a relationship on the foundation of being able to avoid talking about uncomfortable subjects such as the aforementioned James Potter. 

“They would have shunned you,” Remus chuckled, “Good thing for Emma. Maybe she should be the prefect,” Remus joked.

“Ha, ha, thanks for the confidence booster!” I said playfully nudging Remus’s arm.

 Remus smiles and is about to say something, no doubt a witty retort, when the compartment door opens and this year’s Head Boy and Girl walk in, Thatcher Murray and Edina Griffiths. I glance at my watch but it’s only eleven thirty five.

 “We’ve decided to start the meeting a bit early seeing as everyone is already here, and the sooner we are done the sooner we can have people patrolling the hall,” Edina said in an authoritative, strong voice. Edina is only a year above me, yet she looks so much older. She is quite tall and broad and also a bit burly, but she’s very nice and I can tell she’s going to be a great Head Girl. Edina nods at her co-Head, Thatcher, to continue. 

“We’d like to start off with basic responsibilities…” Thatcher droned on in the back of my brain, but I blocked him out. I know, not my best first act as a prefect this year, but I already know my responsibilities. 

I amuse myself for the next fifteen minutes as Thatcher and Edina talk, comparing the two of them. They are almost complete opposites; Edina is a Ravenclaw and incredibly intelligent, while Thatcher is a Hufflepuff who I’m sure got decent grades, but was mostly known for his legendary Quidditch skills. Thatcher is rather short, but broad while Edina is much taller than him and probably a bit broader too. However, you can tell they are both very passionate about their positions as leaders in the school. Remus’s cough brings me out of my thought process, and I see that everyone is getting ready to leave.

“Is the meeting really over? I only meant to zone out for the first part,” I whispered to Remus as we get up and head for the exit. He chuckled.

“Good thing I was paying attention then,” He said, “We have to patrol from one to two, thank god we didn’t get stuck with the twelve to one slot, I would hate having to walk past everyone eating lunch and not be able to indulge in some delicious food from the trolley.” 

“Oooh I agree, that must be horrible. I feel bad for whoever got stuck with that patrol.” 

“It’s the Slytherins,” Remus said, smiling as he does so.

“Hah! Never mind, they deserve that torture!” 

“I could not agree more, Lily!” Said a voice from behind me. I slowly turn around, already knowing who will be standing there, but not believing he has the nerve to talk to me like everything is normal and we are chummy. 

James Potter towers a good eight inches above me, grinning down. He looks as aggravatingly annoying as ever, and his hair that never lays flat seems to stand up even more than usual. Before I can say anything he has already ran his fingers through it, causing chaos with his hair that frankly makes him look ridiculous. I scoff at him, ready to just turn around and ignore him, trying to take a more peaceful approach that Emma would be proud of and Hannah would call “uninteresting”, but something he had said catches in my brain. He called me Lily. Does he really think he has the bloody right to call me Lily? To him I will always be Evans, or if I could choose, absolutely nothing! I would much rather him not address me at all, my life would be much easier that way, maybe even a bit less stressful!

I glower at Potter. I can feel my face heating up, red with anger, and my whole being bristling with suppressed rage. He does not have the right to talk to me, let alone call me Lily! And he is going to hear it from me.

“Who do you think you _are_?” I asked, my voice dangerously quiet. Remus understands the seriousness of the situation and he steps back a little, or maybe he’s frightened by the deadly chill in my voice. Either way, he understood what message I’m trying to convey. Potter, however, is not intelligent enough to realize how close I am to going ballistic. 

“Well, I think I am James Potter,” He joked, “Who do you think _you_ are?” He said. As if this situation is actually funny and I would really be joking around with him.

I never thought his brain could really be that small, I mean he usually does really well in classes but Merlin, maybe he got into a Quidditch accident over the summer and has forgotten that dreadful day last year. But I sure as hell have not forgotten, and he could use a nice reminding.

“You have got to be joking. You cannot be that daft, really it’s not possible. Maybe you forget so I’ll just remind you. I told you to stay the hell away from me last year. Don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, just, _urgh,_ don’t be near me!” I said, my voice raising an octave or two even though I wanted to keep it level. 

Potter looks momentarily shocked, but he fights the look off his face with an even worse one. Defiance, partial anger, and something I don’t recognize.

“I’m sorry that that scumbag Snivellus turned out to be a shit person, but you cannot possibly blame that on me,” Potter said, his voice hard and unmoving.

“I CAN’T BLAME IT ON YOU!?” I shriek, “YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS! IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! IF YOU HAD JUST LEFT HIM ALONE HE NEVER WOULD HAVE SAID ANYTHING! YOU JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOU AND YOUR HUGE HEAD, SO JUST GO! NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND SOMEONE AS SELFISH AND CONCEITED AS YOU!” Words burst out of my mouth in an angry stream that I can’t stop, and really I don’t think I need to. Potter deserves everything I just said to him.

“YOU THINK HE JUST SAID THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I ATTACKED HIM?” Potter roared, “BULLSHIT! IF HE SAID IT, THEN HE WAS THINKING IT! THAT ISN’T MY FAULT, SORRY HE IS AN AWFUL PERSON BUT YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BLAME THIS ON ME ANYMORE, THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” He shouted. 

I’m stunned, does he really not see how this is his fault? Everything that has gone wrong with Snape has been Potter’s fault. If only he had never come to Hogwarts then there would be no problem with Snape. We would still be friends and no one would have to deal with the complete tosser James Potter is. 

Remus seems to realize that this argument wasn’t going to go anywhere and it is bordering on dangerous for not only Potter and me, but also any innocent bystander who might get hit by a wayward spell that I am just about to shoot at Potter. 

“James, please just go back to the compartment. There is no point in doing this; you don’t want to do this, think about it.” Remus said to Potter, obviously trying to get something across to him that he had lost in the heat of the moment.

Potter deflates a little and I take pride in the defeated look that spreads across his face as he looks at Remus and then at me. I have most definitely won the battle. I don’t know where this part of me comes from, but when Potter is concerned this monstrous part of me comes out and only wants to see him defeated. I admit I should feel ashamed, but when talking about someone as heartless and cruel as James Potter, how am I ever supposed to feel bad? He is an awful person who hits every single one of my nerves, probably on purpose. He loves to see me all riled up, first asking me out relentlessly for five years straight just for the fun of it, and then ruining one of my friendships. This boy is going to pay someday for all he has done to me, and I know I have given him a fair piece of my mind and my wand for that matter over the years, but it doesn’t nearly make up for what he does to me. 

He just, _urgh_ knows how to get me so angry. Why me? Why did he have to pick me out on the first day of our first year here and tell me that my hair was too bright, only to pour milk over my head two seconds later, exclaiming “Your head was on fire! I just saved you life!”

I believe my hatred for him started then, and when it became a habit of his to ask me out multiple times a day. It gave me an odd satisfaction to say no so defiantly even though I knew he wasn’t asking because he actually wanted to go out with me. The sound of retreating footsteps shakes me out of my reverie as I see Potter turn at the end of the corridor. It’s quiet for a few awkward seconds as Remus and I just stand there. Finally, the slamming of a compartment door makes him wince and I assume it was Potter who had done the slamming.

“Look Lily, I’m sorry about James. Sometimes he doesn’t think through what he is saying, especially when it comes to you,” Remus said apologetically.

“You shouldn’t be apologizing for him, Remus. It’s not your fault he is a twat,” I said, still extremely angry and not calming down in the slightest. Of course Potter doesn’t watch what he says around me, it’s because he is an impulsive git who thinks that I deserve every rude word he shoots at me.

“He really isn’t like this Lily; honestly he is a good person. Maybe if you guys just knew each other a bit more-”

“Oh no! You are not suggesting I actually become friends with _him_!” I spat out the last word with extra venom in my voice.

“People can surprise you Lily, the people you think are monsters normally aren’t, and the people you don’t think are monsters usually tend to be,” Remus said heavily.

I have a feeling what Remus had just said has a bit more meaning than what I’m getting out of it, especially because of how emotionally drained he suddenly looks, but I wasn’t going to prod. However, the fight still isn’t out of me yet, and I’m not ready to let Remus have the last word even if the original fight hadn’t even been with him.

“So, you are saying that Sebastian Dolohov is actually a really sweet teddy bear on the inside, and you are really the true monster?” I scoffed, thinking of the huge Slytherin who often finds it fun to beat up the younger students.

Remus sighs heavily, and he looks much older than his actual age of sixteen for a moment. 

“You never know Lily, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” 

“Well I think that is a load of codswollop, maybe you should tell that great theory to Potter though, I think he might find it useful.”

“Trust me, he knows,” Remus said, “I better go though, and you should probably go back to your compartment too. You should eat before we have to go do rounds.” 

“Yeah. Well, see you soon; sorry about the fight before, I know you don’t want to get involved in that sort of thing. You know, between me and Potter.” 

Remus sort of chuckles a little, which I find to be a bit disconcerting, because I am saying a legitimate apology.

“I’ve been involved in this since the very beginning,” Remus said smiling in a way that makes me think he knows something that I don’t. Oh well, now is not the time to pry, and certainly not the time to find out new secrets. I am already exhausted as it is. 

As I said goodbye to Remus and head back to my compartment, I can’t help but think back to my conversation brief seconds ago with Remus. Now I’m wishing that I had asked Remus what he meant about him always being involved. I’ve never really fought with Potter right in front of Remus, and if I had he was never actually involved in the fight. Maybe it’s some sort of boy code thing that I’m never supposed to understand, or maybe I’m just being blind to what he really meant. At this point I can’t tell, and frankly I have so little energy that even plopping down on the seat in my compartment and saying hi to my mates is effort enough. James Potter sure knows how to suck the life out of me. 

**~~**

**A/N-So chapter one of the new I’d Lie. I know it is completely different, but I hope you enjoy it!**


	2. Fate and Falling

**A/N~Thank you to anyone who read this! And please leave a review, they are awesome and I adore them!**

**Disclaimer: I may have grown up with Harry Potter, but I most certainly didn’t create it.**

**~~**

Everything went smoothly the first week of term. I attended to my prefect duties, tried to keep up with the loads of homework the professors gave us, and successfully avoided James Potter.

            It’s not like I made a fool of myself by leaving the Common Room when he entered, or ran down corridors to avoid him. No, I wasn’t pathetic; I just didn’t want to have to deal with him.

            It was work being around James, whether I was resisting the urge to curse that stupid smug grin off his face, or telling him to pay attention in class, or in most cases, trying to ward off the constant stream of unwanted attention that he seemed to get some sadistic pleasure in giving me.

            Don’t get me wrong, I love being adored, all girls do, but with Potter it was different. He didn’t ask me out because he liked me, he asked me out because he knew I would say no. He knew I was the one girl who wouldn’t give in to his “Potter Charm” and he loved and hated that fact. 

            My thought process was interrupted by the sound of pounding feet running towards me. I whipped around just as Hannah and Emma rounded the corner, huffing and flustered. 

            “Lily, why did you just sprint down the Charms corridor?” Emma asked concernedly

            “Oh, you know, places to go, people to see,” I lied, wincing. I don’t think I could have come up with a worse lie if I tried for a day, and by Hannah’s raised eyebrows, she agreed. 

            “Really, is that so?” Hannah asked in that superior voice she saved for calling me out on lies. “It wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the fact that James Potter was trying to talk to you would it?”

            Damn, that girl is good. Or maybe I am just that unsubtle. Unfortunately the latter is probably true.

            So I may have lied earlier when I said I didn’t run down corridors to avoid him, but it was much more preferred than having to hear that all too familiar question, “Oi Evans! Go out with me?” Because even though on the train I had clearly told him to stay away from me, he seemed to have forgotten already, or just didn’t care.

            Hannah was still smirking at me, while Emma just stared questioningly at me.

            “Was he really? I didn’t notice, too bad” I said airily, looking anywhere but at Hannah and Emma.

            “Cut the crap Lily. What’s with the whole avoid James thing? Don’t you normally just curse him and yell a few insults?” Hannah asked suspiciously. That’s the problem with Hannah, she doesn’t hate Potter, in fact they are kind of friends, which I consider to be a betrayal, but whenever I mention that to her she just rolls her eyes in that “stop being so overdramatic” way.

            “I just think it would be more productive to not have to deal with him. Plus I’m a Prefect; I can’t go around cursing people. I have to set a good example” I explained

            “You were a Prefect last year but you still fought with James. What gives?” 

            Damn it Hannah, stop being so pushy! This girl must secretly have it in for me, that’s why we are friends. She’s slowly biding her time before she can kill me! Okay, maybe I now understand her “Lily’s being overdramatic” eye roll. 

            “I just think it would be easier if we left each other alone. You know? I can focus on school, and he can ask out a girl he actually likes!”

            “But Lils, he does-” Hannah started, but stopped abruptly as Emma gave her a pointed look.

            “Well I think that is very mature of you” Emma said, smiling at me warmly.

            I was too tired of talking about Potter to ask what Hannah was going to say, and by the look on Hannah’s face I could tell she was glad Emma had stopped her. I would just have to get it out of Hannah later.

            We continued walking down the corridor, turning towards the dungeons as the end. Emma was rambling on about how exciting the beginning of the year always was, and how glad she was that we didn’t have to worry about any major exams this year. 

            My mind was wandering as we entered the Potions classroom where Professor Slughorn was perched on his rather large chair at the front of the class. His smile broadened as he saw me, and I smiled back.

            Slughorn was probably one of my favorite professors. Not because he had asked me to join his “Slug Club” when I was only in first year, and not because I was one of his favorite students, but because he was so jolly. Nothing ever bothered him, and nothing bad ever fazed him. I wish I could be just as unfazed by the annoying things, but seeing as one of those “annoying things” had just entered the room and sat directly behind me, and I was already bristling with suppressed anger I would have to deal with the fact that I wouldn’t be able to ignore that “annoying thing” anymore.

            I spun around in my chair, a glare shooting daggers from my eyes; however, the gods weren’t on my side. The bell rang loud and clear and Slughorn began the lesson. I gained some satisfaction from the look of relief that spread over Potter’s face when he realized I wouldn’t be able to yell at him.

            Hah. Go on. Be frightened of me. I find it amusing.

            The rest of the lesson passed fairly well. I finished my potion early and Professor Slughorn exclaimed it was “Exquisite!” so for the remainder I helped Hannah fix the brown muck that was supposed to be her potion.

            “Thanks for the help Lils; I really don’t know why I decided to do Potions. I’m pretty horrid at it, you’re the only reason I got an E on the O.W.L.’s!” Hannah said, then continuing on with, I must admit, a pretty accurate imitation of me nagging her to study.

            I laughed as we walked to Defense Against the Dark Arts. We had a new professor, just like we did every year. His name was Professor Hughes; he was quite tall with large ears that were partially covered by shaggy brown hair. He looked young except for one streak of gray on the side of his head. Whenever he lectured us, he would rock on the balls of his feet if he was saying something particularly exciting.

            When we entered the classroom all the desks were pushed to the sides of the room, leaving a large space in the middle of the room clear. Professor Hughes was standing in the middle, looking excited as he beckoned for us to come in quickly and line up along the borders of the classroom.

            When everyone filed in, Professor Hughes began talking.

            “Alright, today we are going to practice dueling using nonverbal spells.”

            The air buzzed with excitement, we’d been waiting to be able to do nonverbal spells for awhile, ever since third year when there had been a huge scandal involving two seventh years from Gryffindor and Slytherin who kept nonverbally cursing each other in the hallways and during classes.

            “I think the safest way to do this would be for me to pair you up” Hughes said

            I looked across the room to see Potter staring at me intently. I looked away quickly, feeling heat rising up my face. One thought ran through my mind. Not Potter. Not Potter. Not Potter. Not Potter.

            “Let’s see, how about James Potter and-”

            My heart stopped, I couldn’t be with Potter, I would probably just end up cursing him verbally. 

            “-Minerva Palmer” Hughes said

            Relief flooded through me, I wouldn’t have to deal with Potter for the whole class, the gods were definitely feeling sorry for me from earlier. Hughes continued listing off partners, finally reaching my name.

            “Lily Evans and Sirius Black.”

            Where relief had been before was replaced by disbelief. You have got to be kidding me! Hah! And I thought those damn wizard gods were giving me a break!

            Sirius Black was not only Potters best friend and partner in crime, but also probably the founder of an “I Hate Lily Evans Club”. He despised me as much as I did him. I looked across the room at him, but he didn’t look repulsed as I suspected I did. He looked like he was-no way, he was laughing! What is so damn funny? Nothing, that’s what!

            “Alright everybody! Find somewhere to work with your partner. And remember what we’ve been learning about nonverbal spells, there shouldn’t be any talking!” Hughes instructed, once again rocking on the balls of his feet.

            I walked over to Sirius, still expecting his small smile to turn to a frown when he saw me, however, if anything it just got bigger.

            “Oi Evans cheer up! At least you aren’t with James, you were praying to be with anyone else before weren’t you?” Black chuckled

            “No!” I said indignantly, but I was still shocked he was being so civil I didn’t sound very convincing.

            “No need to lie Evans, you suck at it anyways” Sirius said smiling. “No need to blush either, I guess it’s true what they say about red heads then.”

            I mentally kicked myself. Why couldn’t I even control the color of my face? I didn’t even know why I had blushed, probably a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

            “Let’s just get started, yeah. Then we won’t have to talk to each other and do this weird pretending to be civil thing, okay?” I said bluntly, not caring if I sounded rude.

            “Fine, fine, suit yourself” Sirius said, backing up a bit and getting into a dueling stance.

            I was a bit taken aback by his instant agreement. We tried hard not to agree with each other in the past. Thankfully, I recovered quickly and didn’t stand around too long looking like a complete fool.

            As I stepped backwards, preparing myself to attempt a nonverbal spell, I collided with somebody who had just been hit by a ticking charm. The person behind me was shaking so hard with laughter that they could no longer stand upright. However, with the sudden loss of control in one leg, the person brought me down with them. Hard.

            “Shit, sorry I-” The voice broke off and was replaced with uncontrollable laughter again.

            But I recognized that voice, even before I had turned over from the uncomfortable position I had fallen in. It was James Potter.

            I looked over at him, doubled up in laughter. His legs randomly shot out at times, which I can only assume meant the charm had made its way to his feet.

            Of course Potter would get hit by a tickling charm at the exact moment I stepped backwards. Of course we would collide, and end up sprawled on the floor. It was so typical of my life. Just so typical.

            “Lily, sorry I-” But again he erupted in laughter before he could complete what he was going to say.

            That wasn’t what I was focusing on, though. He’d called me Lily. Again. Even after I had specifically told him not to. Does this boy want to be cursed?

            “God Potter! Learn how to control your limbs!” I huffed, standing up and brushing off my robes.

            I looked around, everyone was watching in anticipation. What were they expecting, a full out brawl? The only people who weren’t watching were Professor Hughes, Minerva Palmer, and Sirius Black, who was laughing so hard it looked like he had been hit by a tickling charm as well. Hughes was too busy congratulating Minerva on accomplishing performing a nonverbal spell that he didn’t realize one of his students was being tickled so hard it must be beginning to hurt.

            I took pity on him in that moment; I mean it wasn’t really his fault. I muttered the counter curse and Potter stopped convulsing. Slowly he got to his feet and walked over to me, out of nowhere jumped Sirius, stretching forth his leg in front of the unsuspecting Potter. As he stumbled forward, he tried to grab onto something for balance. However, the only thing in front of him was me.

            And down I fell again, for the second time that day. James bloody Potter.

            I landed on my back and I swear I heard it crack, but Hannah would probably just say I was being overdramatic again.

            Potter looked over at me. At first I thought he looked ashamed, but at closer glance he was smiling. What is it with these boys today and smiling when they shouldn’t? He got up unsteadily, walked over, and pulled me up without even asking if I needed help. As we stood there staring at each other, his hazel eyes seemed to search mine, for what I don’t know.

            Someone cleared their throat behind us and I realized Potter was still holding onto my hand. I hastily tried to pull it away, but Potter wouldn’t allow it.

            “I’m sorry” Potter said, so quietly and sincerely I doubt anyone could hear but me. I knew he was saying sorry for more than just knocking me over twice, but all I could do was nod dumbly. He smiled a little and then pulled me closer so as to whisper in my ear. My stomach dropped at how close we were, then his words reached my ear, barely even a whisper, yet so loud and clear.

            “If I fall, you fall, Lily Evans.” 


	3. Wishful Thinking and Wannabes

**A/N~Thank you so much to lucymars for your review! And thank you to anyone who read it** **J** **! Please leave a review when you are done, I absolutely adore them!!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: Oh how I wish…**

**~~**

Maybe running out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom hadn’t been the best course of action to take, but what was I supposed to do after Potter had said something like that? It was one of those moments that people swoon over until it actually happens to them, and then they realize it is horrifying. As I walked down the corridor quickly, thoughts were shooting around in my brain, colliding and causing an awful, pounding headache. Footsteps echoed from behind me and I dreaded turning around to look at who could be following me. Expecting Hannah and Emma, or possibly Potter, I was surprised to see someone I didn’t even know walking along the corridor with a leisurely stroll. 

I was confused for a moment until I realized the person wasn’t following me. It really was selfish of me to automatically assume that. The person was actually probably just walking to the loo, or cutting class, or something equally normal. As soon as I realized I was staring, I tried to look away. 

Too late, the boy already lifted his head, which was full of unruly, dark brown hair, and smiled at me. His smile was wide and crooked, and screamed “I know something you don’t”. It was annoying, yet enticing at the same time. I tried to shake my head clear of all thoughts; Potter must have really messed with my brain before because I _never_ check out random guys in the hallway. That was the job of Hannah to do, she always found attractive guys. Of course, I never talked to any of the guys she hand-picked out for me, because there always seemed to be something majorly wrong with them. As these thoughts ran rampant through my mind the boy had gotten closer, and stopped a short way away from me. He was still smiling in that quirky way that for some reason reminded me of something else that I couldn’t place. 

“You alright?” The boy asked, looking at me teasingly. I smiled; his voice was so perfect, and smooth, and deep. 

Wait what? What is wrong with me? I can’t possibly be thinking these thoughts right now…they aren’t right! Especially after an extremely traumatizing experience that had happened mere minutes ago. Somehow I was able to form a coherent response even with all the crazy activity that was going on in my head. 

“Yeah fine, just a bad Defense class,” I said, smiling at how rational and normal I had managed to sound. The boy chuckled, and I realized I still didn’t know his name. “I’m Lily, by the way. Lily E-”

“Evans,” The boy finished, smiling. “I know who you are. You’re a Gryffindor prefect. I’m Shane Pascal Hall.” 

“How come we’ve never met?” I asked sweetly. Okay so maybe I shouldn’t be trying to flirt with the guy, but come on; I’ve had a rough emotional day. I could use a confidence booster.

“I’m in Ravenclaw, and I’m a fifth year,” Shane said the last part quietly as if he didn’t want me to know he was a year younger than me. He sounded so bashful and sweet at that moment that I couldn’t help but smile a little. 

“Well it’s nice to meet you, Shane. I’ll see you around, yeah?” I didn’t really want to stay and talk, I needed to go to some place safe and quiet so I could contemplate what had happened with Potter and me. 

“Yeah, alright,” Shane said confusedly. By the looks of him it didn’t seem like a lot of girls ever didn’t want to talk to him. I smiled, a little reassuringly, but mostly because I didn’t know what else to do in the situation. 

When I walked away I could feel Shane’s eyes on the back of my head. So maybe he was cute, and maybe boys don’t usually like me, but that doesn’t mean that I have to do anything about it. I have to deal with the Potter situation first. 

Damn. What am I going to do about Potter? I turned into an empty, abandoned classroom and sat on the floor near the door. Potter, even the word sends a weird feeling down my spine and makes my stomach fly to my throat.

Ever since first year when Potter had asked me out for the first time, I thought he was doing it just for fun. Just to see me squirm and get mad. He always knew the right nerves to press, and the right insults to through at me. Although our arguments were never original they always stung. So hearing Potter say what he did made my head all jumbled and confused. What if all those years he hadn’t been teasing me? What if all those years he had actually liked me? 

A terrible feeling overtook me. If Potter had really liked me all these years, and our fights had stung for me, I couldn’t imagine what they had been like for him. I couldn’t even remember all the awful things I had said to Potter over the years. Then an even worse thought dawned on me. 

Potter likes me, and now that I know that, how am I supposed to deal with him? It is hard enough to deal with him without knowing he has secret feelings for me. How am I supposed to deal with this without my head exploding?

**~~**

“Lils, where did you go today?” Hannah asked as we sat in the common room after dinner.

“I had to leave, after what Potter had said I just couldn’t be around him,” I said quietly, leaning towards Hannah and Emma. Potter was only sitting a few feet away from me, and I couldn’t have him hearing me talk about him.

“Wait, what did James say?” Emma asked, her eyes widened as her gaze drifted to where Potter was laughing with the other Marauders.

“Oh-er-well-that. You see…” I could feel the blush spread rapidly across my face as I remembered mine and Potter’s previous conversation.

Hannah’s amused face differed immensely from Emma’s concerned look, as they both stared at me eagerly. 

“Look, we both know it is going to take you two days to finally spit this out, so how about me and Em go and ask James? I think it would be more productive, don’t you, Em?”

Emma nodded silently. How could she be on Hannah’s side? Hannah is crazy! They need to be supporting of me in my time of immense discomfort and pain! They can’t blackmail me!

“Ugh fine!” I nearly shouted as Hannah and Emma started to rise from their armchairs. “You two are awful mates, you know that, right?” I said, narrowing my eyes at them as they settled back into their chairs with smug smiles.

“Oh, we know! But you love us!” Hannah said, smirking, “So spill Lily-bean!” sang Hannah. 

“Fine,” I nearly growled. 

Hannah only gave me a “go on” look with a satisfactory grin on her face. I was about to open my mouth and tell them the whole thing. I honestly was, they are in fact my best friends, so if anyone deserves to know it is them, but I most definitely wasn’t looking forward to reliving that embarrassing moment. Thankfully Remus chose that moment to intervene. And thank those wizard gods that he did!

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, but we have rounds, Lily” Remus said, sounding genuinely apologetic. 

I smiled triumphantly at Hannah, who just scowled at me in return.

“Can’t it wait for like five minutes?” Hannah asked Remus sweetly. Poor Remus, Hannah was trying to use good ‘ol charm on him. _Resist the urge Remus! Don’t listen to her!_             

“Um, Lily? What do you say?” Remus asked, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

“Sorry Hannah but rounds are a very important part of my prefect duty and I can’t be caught skiving off of them. C’mon Remus,” I said a little snootily to Hannah. 

“Oh, come _on,_ Lily!” Hannah whined.

“See you later!” I shouted as I walked towards the portrait hole with Remus

“What was that all about?” Remus asked curiously

“Oh, you know, friends. They can’t get enough of you…” I trailed off as my lame excuse hung in the air

Remus laughed as I squirmed uncomfortably.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked” Remus said apologetically 

“It’s fine. Let’s just forget about it, yeah?”

He smiled knowingly, and I took that as an agreement.

“So how long are we patrolling for tonight?” I asked, feeling ashamed that I hadn’t even known we had to patrol.

“We’ve got the two hour shift tonight, but tomorrow we have to patrol until midnight,”

I groaned, “That is going to be awful! Sorry I’ve been such a bad prefect. I’ve just been…distracted…”

Remus nodded as if to say “it’s no big deal”, but then he smiled at me.

“Does this have something to do with James?” Remus asked

“What! No, no, no! We don’t talk about Potter, remember! No! I mean it’s not like it’s about him anyways!” I said frantically, trying to pull myself together a little at the end.

“Of course” Remus said dryly. 

  I raised my eyebrows at him, as if challenging him to go farther.

“Not that it’s any of my business!” Remus added quickly, a faint blush visible on his cheeks

“I’m guessing Potter asked you to question me, didn’t he?” I asked, knowing Remus would never willingly ask something like that.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. He made me promise, you know, Marauders promise and all,” Remus said sheepishly.

“Aaaah, the Marauders promise. I see,” I said jokingly.

“Oh it’s a very serious thing, Lily.”

I was about to apologize until I realized Remus was joking. We both cracked up as we realized how ridiculous we sounded. 

His eyes were lit with laughter and he looked so carefree for a moment. Remus looked young and happy, unlike his usual worn and tired expression. He always looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but for once he looked, well, he looked like a Marauder.

“I’m glad we’re friends, Remus.”

He smiled broadly, “I’m glad we’re friends too, Lily.”

As we turned onto the adjoining corridor an unexpected, yet familiar face greeted us.

“Shane! Hi!” I said a bit squeakily

“Oh hey Lily, how are you?”

“Fine, just doing patrols with Remus.”

“Lupin,” Shane acknowledged a little frostily.

“Hall,” Remus said back equally as cold. I looked between the two of them confusedly. 

“You two know each other?” I asked

“Not that well,” Remus said honestly

“Then…?” I asked, wondering why these two boys who barely knew each other could possibly dislike each other.

“Quidditch,” Shane said simply.

Honestly. What is with these boys and their Quidditch? Remus doesn’t even play Quidditch! Everyone in this school takes it way too seriously.

“Really?” I asked incredulously, “That’s it? Neither of you have wronged the other in the past? There is no real reason not to like each other?”

“Well, that is a bit of an understatement. The situation isn’t as simple,” Remus said. 

Obviously he thought that I would understand, but I still found the situation ridiculous.

“Well, anyways, I was actually coming to find you, Lily,” Shane said, still glaring at Remus.

“Really? Why?” I asked.

I didn’t realize how rude I sounded until Shane’s glare towards Remus was exchanged for a hurt expression towards me.

“Sorry, I mean-” I started trying to explain

“No, it’s fine. I was just wondering if you knew when the first Hogsmeade visit is.” 

“Um yeah, next Saturday,” I said confusedly.  

“Right, well, I was just wondering…if you know…you wanted to…” Shane stuttered.

Apparently I am completely oblivious to everyone’s intentions in life, first Potter, then Shane, but Remus is not. He glared more fiercely at Shane before saying,

“Lily we should go, you know patrol and all. Can’t have any troublemakers roaming the halls,”

Shane snorted, “That’s ironic, don’t you think if anyone you’d be catching your _boys_ ,” He said the word “boys” so tauntingly, that even I was giving him a cold glare.

“We never seem to get caught now do we, unlike you and your gang of wannabes,” Remus said superiorly 

“At least we have girls,” Shane said, trying to win the losing argument

“Nice try, Hall-” Remus started to say

“Ok, this is ridiculous!” I said, my voice high pitched, “Remus, we have to go, you know patrols and all. And Shane, you should probably go back to your common room, it’s going to be curfew soon, and I don’t want to have to give you a detention.”

I knew I sounded like a mother, but they were being ridiculous. A feud, really? They sounded like teenage girls at the moment, and I didn’t feel like having to deal with them being this ridiculous. I barely even knew Shane, but I had a feeling that this little argument had been going on between the Marauders and Shane’s friends for awhile now.

“Sorry Lily,” Remus said looking ashamed. Shane just nodded, but he seemed sorry enough.

“Let’s just go, yeah? I don’t want Professor McGonagall to yell at us for being negligent.”

“Right, let’s go,” Remus agreed

“Bye Shane,” I said, a little more coldly than what was probably necessary. 

They were both just being so ridiculous, I couldn’t help but be annoyed with the both of them. They were like two kindergarteners, and one had stolen the others toy.

“Bye,” He said, he looked like he regretted what had happened, but I wasn’t about to tell him it was okay.

Boys really are ridiculous. They can’t have a simple conversation with people they don’t like without biting each other’s heads off, and trying to prove who the “biggest man” is. 

As Remus and I walked away he looked around uncomfortably, trying not to look at me as I tried to catch his gaze. 

“Lily, look; Hall isn’t a good guy. You shouldn’t be fraternizing with him!” 

“Remus, to be honest I barely know Shane. I met him in the corridor today when I left Defense Against the Dark Arts! I don’t plan on, as you called it, ‘fraternizing’ with him, alright?” 

“Yeah, sorry, it’s just James. He really hates Hall-”

Remus stopped talking as soon as he saw the look on my face. When Potter had been mentioned my stomach did this weird flopping thing and I felt light headed. I don’t know why just hearing his name does that to me when I can’t even talk to him in person. What was happening between me and Potter? What was he doing to me? Why was this the one problem in my life that I couldn’t sort out?

“Lily, what’s wrong?” Remus asked, stopping and putting a hand on my arm.

Apparently I looked as bad as I was feeling, and all of my emotions were shown on my face because Remus looked really concerned.

“I really hate James Potter.” 


	4. Boys and Brawls

**A/N~So this chapter is completely in JAMES’ POV!!!!!! I just thought it would be important to announce that! Please review, I love reviews. Truly and honestly. It’s so easy to write…and it can be just one or two words!**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, or everything that is important.**

**~~**

            I had been sitting in the Common Room with Sirius and Peter, wasting away the hours, pretending to do schoolwork while really daydreaming about Lily, when Remus and Lily re-entered the room, looking a bit more disgruntled than they had before. 

            Lily’s face was more stony and guarded, while Remus looked uncomfortable and ashamed. 

            “Moony! Hey! What’s up?” Sirius called from the armchair next to me.

            Moony looked awkwardly at Lily before muttering a goodbye, and walking towards us in the corner of the room.

            “What was that about?” I asked suspiciously, looking at the retreating form of Lily, who was walking towards the girl’s dormitory.

            “We had a run in with Hall,” Remus said, sighing slightly as he dropped into the sagging armchair next to Peter.

            “You mean Shane Hall from Ravenclaw?” Peter squeaked, as I visibly clenched my fists.

            “The one and only,” Remus clarified, looking towards me, expecting me to jump up and act completely irrational.

            To be honest, I don’t even know when the rivalry with Hall started. He was a year younger, so we never had any classes with each other, but we met plenty of times on the Quidditch pitch to know that we didn’t like each other one bit.

            I probably started hating him when somebody had made the reference that we were similar. It was common knowledge that Shane was gathering a posse of his own that was trying to wreak havoc, and basically become like Sirius, Remus, Peter, and me. But it didn’t end there, Hall tried to act like me, wear his clothes like me, even “style” his hair like me. It was the most aggravating thing ever, and while some people would think it was cute, James Potter having a little prodigy and all, it wasn’t like that. I had told Hall to stay away and get his own damn personality, but he just seemed to think it was funny. Bastard.

            “What happened?” Sirius groaned, and rolled his eyes. He detested Hall just as much as the others, but he seemed to find the younger boy more annoying than anything. 

            “He seems to have something for Lily,” Remus said tentatively, looking over at me with a careful expression.

            That was it, Hall had crossed the line. Lily? Really? Did he think he needed to go that far? He thought he could get her? Well, he couldn’t. Unfortunately he had based himself too much off of me, and as that was one thing I was positive that Lily Evans did not like, it would be nearly impossible for Hall to achieve anything more than a cool glance from Lily.

            “As in Evans?” Sirius asked skeptically. As if there were any other Lily’s in the school that were worth pining after, I thought to myself as Remus nodded in consent. 

            “What does she think of him?” Peter said bravely, asking the one question that we were all wondering. Although Remus was the only Marauder that was truly on speaking terms with Lily, Sirius and Peter kept tabs on her, for my sake really. 

            “Well, this wasn’t the first time they met, but he seemed to make a bad impression of himself tonight. Does that give you hope?” 

            “I mean, she would never go for him, right?” I asked unsurely. “Like everyone says, he tries so hard to be like me, that Lily could never possibly like him. Come on, he is a worse version of me, right?” 

            “Course mate, it’s just—well you and Evans have had this thing since first year, and—well—she just met Hall. She doesn’t know what he’s like; she just knows he’s a fifth year Ravenclaw, who you happen to detest. No offense, but that seems like it would draw her to him,” Sirius said honestly. I sighed dejectedly; if Hall got with Lily, that would be the end of me.

            Imagining her with any other guy made me cringe and want to smack someone or something, but with Shane it was different. It would be like he had won the war we had been fighting ever since we had met. Him getting Lily would be, quite dramatically put, a stab to the heart.

            Lily wasn’t just some girl, as Sirius liked to put it, she was everything. I knew I sounded like a pansy when I talked about her, but she just did that to me. She muddled my brain into a mush that could only spew out cocky comments and awful insults. Even I was sick of the phrase, “Oi, Evans! Go out with me?” But it was the only thing I seemed to be able to get out when she walked into a room.

            Except when we had collided in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I smiled to myself, remembering the moment for the seven billionth time.

            “Prongs—Proooooongs!” Sirius whined.

            “What?” I asked, realizing I must have been zoned out of the conversation.

            “Lily-Land again?” Peter asked knowingly.

            “N-no!” I choked out; embarrassed until I realized who I was talking to. “Yeahhh,” I said resignedly, knowing they already knew exactly what I had been thinking.

            Apparently hiding emotions wasn’t a strong point of mine. Then again, I had been hiding my true feelings from Lily for five years, and she seemed to have no clue. Unfortunately, Lily didn’t really spend time thinking about me and dissecting every move I made like I did for her. Not in a creepy stalker way or anything, I’m not completely pathetic. Completely.

            “You are so pathetic!” Sirius said, seeming to know the exact thoughts that had been running through my mind.

            “I am not!” 

            “You kind of are…” Remus added apologetically.

            “Yeah, you are,” Peter agreed.

            “You are whipped without even being in a relationship with Evans!” Sirius explained, guffawing at this realization. 

            Remus and Peter also seemed to find this epiphany rather funny, while on the contrary I was sitting, staring moodily into the distance, huffing occasionally to show them that I was still there, and they could stop laughing at me whenever. I hoped they all choked on their laughter.

            “Aw Prongs, don’t look so upset!” Sirius said winking at me.

            “Agh! Why did you do that?” I screamed, staring at Sirius in astonishment.

            “Do what?” Sirius asked, looking at me confusedly.

            “Padfoot, you winked at me!” I exclaimed, looking between Remus and Peter, who were once again laughing.

            “I thought it was the right thing to do in the situation!” Sirius said honestly.

            “It’s a bit creepy,” Peter said, while still chortling a little. 

            “Well so-oory!” Sirius said dramatically, winking at me again.

            “AGH! STOP IT!” I yelled, and jumped up to punch him.

            “Alright, alright!” Sirius said, holding his hands up in defense as I punched his arm. “I’m done!”

            “Seriously, are you done? It’s weird for mates to wink at each other.”

            “Yes, yes, I am Sirius-ly done!” Sirius said, putting an extra emphasis on his “punny” joke.

            “Worst. Joke. Ever,” Remus said, staring at the form of Sirius, which was doubled up in laughter. “I can’t believe after all of these years, you still find ‘Sirius/Serious’ jokes funny!”

            “It’s sad because he’s the only one who does,” Peter said in a fake pitying way, shaking his head in a joking manner at Sirius.

            “Yeah, Padfoot, no one else is laughing…” I said, pretending like the situation was awkward, while in reality occasions like this occurred more frequently than they should.

            “I’m done!” Sirius choked out, wiping tears of mirth from his face. “I’m done! I swear!”

            Remus laughed at Sirius, who had tried to change his amused expression into one that was solemn and serious, but had only ended up looking strained, and frankly a bit constipated. Remus’ smile suddenly fell, and he looked at me with a face that was actually solemn and serious.

            “What?” I asked. My stomach surged up to my throat, and then back down again. Remus only looked at me like that when he had bad news to share.

            “It’s about Hall, and Lily. I just remember that he asked her when the first Hogsmeade visit was,” Remus said, slowly and carefully.

            “So?” Peter asked, not understanding what that meant.

            “Hall wants to ask Lily to Hogsmeade,” I said shortly, my face falling from its previously content expression. 

            “Oh,” Peter said, looking around awkwardly.

            “Well, Lily won’t say yes, if Hall does end up asking her and all,” Sirius said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

            “And why won’t she?” I asked, temporarily forgetting my previous thought process where I had assured myself that Lily would never go out with a guy like Hall.

            “Because he is a you-wannabe!” Sirius exclaimed. “Why would she say yes to the lesser version of you if she won’t even say yes to the quality version of you?”

            I shrugged, by Sirius’ logic it made sense, but I knew Lily’s mind wouldn’t work like that. She didn’t relate everything that occurred to her back to me. She probably wouldn’t realize the similarity between Hall and me, and she probably would say yes. I mean, she barely knew Shane; she would have no idea what he was really like. With that thought, an idea gripped my mind.

            “Moony, you have to tell her not to go out with him if he asks her!” I said quickly, looking at Remus pleadingly.

            “I already tried,” Remus sighed.

            “Really?” Sirius asked. It was a valid question. Remus didn’t like getting mixed up in other people’s business, and he strictly kept to Marauder business.

            “Well, not in so many words…” Remus trailed off. “But I did tell her what we thought of Hall!” Remus said, trying to redeem himself.

            “Agh Moony!” Peter said, “Why would you say what _we_ thought? She hates all of us, if you had just told her that just _you_ had a rivalry with him then maybe she would listen to your advice-”

            “-but now she is going to know that it is a collective opinion, and she knows that James doesn’t like him, so that will prompt her to accept his possible invitation,” Sirius finished for Peter.

            “Oh,” Remus said looked at me ashamedly. “I didn’t mean to do that, I truly don’t want her around Hall!”

            “It’s fine, Moony, Lily being with Hall is no different than her not being with me,” I lied. Sirius looked at me skeptically, and I knew he could tell that I was lying.

            Peter shrugged as if to agree, but Sirius sent him a death glare that I was silently thankful for.

            Remus looked like he was about to speak when none other than one of Lily’s best friends plopped down next to him on the sofa. 

            “I heard my friend’s name,” Hannah said nosily, looking around at all of us with a shifty gaze. 

            “What? No you didn’t! You must be going insane, Wright!” Sirius said, sounding extremely unconvincing, and blowing whatever cover we had.

            “Right,” Hannah said, unimpressed. “You are the infamous Marauders; you’re supposed to be able to trick any girl into believing anything you say!”

            “Yeah, well, that was never really Sirius’ strong point, his lies are shit,” Peter said honestly, “we rely mostly on James for that part.”

            “Interesting, seeing as he’s the boy who can’t even weave a lie to get into the pants of the girl he supposedly loves!” Hannah exclaimed, looking at my surprised face at the comment she had made about her own mate.

            “I-I d-don’t wa-ant—Lily’s pa-ants. No, I mean—that’s not what, no,” I sputtered, turning red as I tried to pull my thoughts together, away from Lily and—yeah. 

            Hannah and Sirius cracked up as Remus and Peter chuckled a bit uncomfortably, and I just sat there mortified.

            “I think I’ll go for a walk,” I announced authoritatively, trying to gain back some dignity.

            “But you can’t, Prongs. It’s after curfew!” Remus said, the Prefect in him pushing to the surface.

            “And when has that ever stopped me?” I asked, looking at Remus with an “are you serious” expression.

            “Ahhh, yes! Your secret Marauder ways of getting around the castle undetected!” Hannah said in a jokingly mysterious voice. 

            “Well, Marauders don’t kiss and tell—or you know, the trouble making equivalent of that statement!” Sirius said, faltering a little as he realized how that statement could be perceived.

            “Or maybe you just don’t kiss at all!” Hannah announced loudly, giggling a little at the astonished look on Sirius’ face.

            “May I have you know that I have kissed multiple girls in my lifetime! More than can be counted on all of our hands and feet put together!” Sirius said indignantly. 

            “I’m sure, Sirius,” Hannah said patting his leg reassuringly and pretending to be consoling. 

            Sirius harrumphed a little and crossed his arms in a stubborn two year old style.

            “Well, like I said, I’m going for a walk,” I said, realizing that that was exactly what I needed right now. I would be able to get away from Hannah and her awkward prying conversation, and be able to clear my thoughts of all things, and focus solely on my main problem right now; Lily. Well not Lily so much, but _getting_ Lily.

            “I thought you were only going because we were making fun of you,” Remus said honestly, looking surprised that I was actually leaving. 

            “I just think I could use a walk right now,” I said simply.

            “Ahhh, a walk,” Sirius said raising his eyebrows suggestively.

            “Padfoot, I don’t think that was a sexual innuendo, I’m pretty sure James is just going for a walk,” Peter said, laughing at Sirius’ ridiculous face.

            “Oh, well that’s no fun!” Sirius pouted, but then brightened immediately. “Have fun on your walk,” Sirius said, staring purposefully at me, and then deliberately and quite theatrically; winked at me.

            “Agh, not again!” Remus said, throwing his hands in the air.

            “And this is why I’m going on a walk!” I said, punching Sirius again in the arm, “I need some time away from him! God, is he a handful or what?”

            “I would have to agree!” Peter said

            “Me too!” Piped in Hannah. 

            “Yes, unfortunately we have to tolerate him,” Remus added.

            “Hey! What’s with the let’s-bash-Sirius-while-he-is-sitting-right-here situation? I don’t approve!” 

            Everyone just laughed at Sirius’ disgruntled face, and I decided it was probably best to leave now when everyone was still engaged in the current Sirius situation. I called out a goodbye to everyone, and they shouted a collective bye back.

            After I had left the Common Room, I wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to go. I figured just walking and letting my mind wander would probably be the best thing to do. And that is what I did: for the next half hour I paid no attention to my surroundings, but only to the thoughts of Lily in my head. I created lists upon lists of ways to get her, of things I knew she liked to do, of things she didn’t like, of things that bothered her (which mostly consisted of _me, me, me, me, and me_ ), and finally a list of things that she loved.

            It would seem like a creepy thing to do if I hadn’t been hopelessly in love with her since first year. Apparently strolling through the Hogwarts corridors after curfew without paying attention to your surroundings is not a good idea because I somehow ended up at an intersection of corridors in the dungeons with rapidly approaching footsteps closing in on me. 

            I whipped around, prepared to come face to face with the Head Boy or Girl, or if I was unlucky, a teacher. Surprisingly it was neither, rather it was another student. Mind you, not one I particularly wanted to run into in the dungeons late at night, with no witnesses, but better than a teacher nonetheless. 

            Snivellus and his curtain of greasy hair approached me, and I couldn’t help but wrinkle my nose at him. It was such an immediate reaction that I hadn’t even consciously known I was doing it until I saw the look reflected on Snape’s face. 

            “What are you doing down here?” Snape sneered, as if he caught me doing something I wasn’t allowed to. 

            Well, technically he had, but he was out after curfew too, so it didn’t count.

            “I could ask you the same question,” I scoffed, turning up my nose at him in a way that I knew would annoy him.

            “These are the dungeons, you shouldn’t be down here. Your kind shouldn’t be down here.”

            “Ahhh, and what would that ‘kind’ be? Devilishly handsome and smart Quidditch players?”

            “You’re full of yourself.”

            “And you’re full of grease, but apparently vermin are allowed in this school.”

            I knew the comment would push Snape over the edge, but the next words that came out of his mouth were a complete surprise.

            “Stay away from her,” Snape growled lowly.

            “I’m sorry, who are you talking about?” Of course I knew who he was talking about. I had felt the familiar sensation of a rushing stomach when the word “ _her_ ” had been mentioned.

            “You know Potter; don’t make me spell it out for you.”

            “I think you have lost your right to tell me anything about her when you called her _that_ last year,” I spat the word “ _that_ ” out. I hated to think of that day, everything had gone wrong then. 

            A flicker of pain flew across Snape’s face, and if anyone had seen his expression, who hadn’t known what memory had just been recalled by Snape, they would probably have thought it was just some indigestion. 

            “Don’t you dare!” Snape nearly screamed.

            “Don’t I dare do what? Tell the truth? You screwed up, Snivellus! You are a piece of dirt, and you mean nothing to her!”

            “Well, you are scum, and she hates you!” Snape fought back.

            “At least I am something to her, and that can turn into something else. You will forever be ‘ _the one who betrayed her’._ How does that feel, knowing that you royally screwed everything up?”

            Before I could react Snape had flung himself around me, his hands had found my neck, and my head banged against the stone wall behind me. It only took me a split second for my chaser reflexes to kick in, but that split second had been enough for Snape to have an advantage over me.

            In general, I was taller, broader, and more physically capable than Snape, but something inside of him seemed to have snapped. He was throwing all of his weight on me to keep me against the wall, punches showered on me from one side, while one hand still had a tight grip on my throat. He was so consumed by causing me the most pain he could that he didn’t think of the fact that I also had two capable hands.

            Before he had time to react I had brought my hands up to his face, punching his chin as hard as I could. There was a loud crack, and Snape reeled back. His eyes were shocked, and his eyes read pain. I felt something dribble down the side of my face and I realized I had a cut on my cheek and a split lip. 

            Snape was about to lunge back at me, probably to try and give me a black eye, or a broken jaw too, when there was a shout from the end of the corridor.

            “What the _hell_ is going on here?” Professor Hughes called to us, rushing down the corridor.

            I tried to look innocent, but there was no way of pretending that we hadn’t been brawling in the corridor seconds earlier. Hughes reached us and surveyed the scene. I was still leaning against the wall, trying to staunch the flow of blood from my cheek and lip which had seemed to multiply, while Snape stood in the middle of the corridor, nursing his jaw and his torn and bloody knuckles. 

            “What in Merlin’s name happened?” Hughes asked

            “Nofin’ Profethor,” I said, realizing how ridiculously stupid I sounded trying to deny that anything had happened through a split lip.

            Snape seemed unable of speech, but he nodded his head in consent. Neither of us wanted to have to be stuck in detention with each other.

            “Well,” Scoffed Hughes, “don’t play me to be a fool, boys. Fighting in the corridors, and after curfew too! I think a week of detention and no trips to Hogsmeade for a month will be a fitting punishment, don’t you?”

            “Yeth Profethor,” I agreed, sounding like a fool with my new lisp.

            “Now, I will see that you both go back to your respected Common Rooms, and maybe you Mr. Snape will go to the Hospital Wing. I hope you will no longer see it fit to wander the corridors at night and fight in them too, yes?”

            Snape and I nodded, and Professor Hughes sighed. He shooed us off in the directions of our Common Rooms, and we turned in opposite directions at the intersection. I walked quickly back to the Gryffindor Common Room, occasionally wiping away at the blood on my face. 

            The only thought that ran through my head was _I just got in a fist fight over Lily Evans. If that doesn’t prove to her that I’m crazy for her, I don’t know what will._

            And honestly, I didn’t regret my decision for defending her. She was Lily Evans, in my mind she would always need to be protected, and I would always be there to give that to her. Even if it was always unwanted. She wasn’t going to shake me off; she wasn’t going to get away from me, not this time. Lily Evans would fall for me, just like the way I fell for her. 

I wouldn’t let her deny that there was something there any longer, because if there are such strong feelings on one side of the relationship, there must be some on the other. 

Lily Evans was going to love me. Oh yes she was. 


	5. Pillows and Plans

**A/N~ Please review because I will adore you for forever!**

**Disclaimer: None of this is even close to being mine.**

**~~**

           There is something peaceful and wonderful about waking up in the morning and realizing that you are the only one awake. It is like you are the only one in the world, and no one else can possibly steal your moment.

            However, there is something completely awful about being woken up in the morning and realizing the only other person awake is a restless friend, who just wants to talk. And that is what greeted me on this fine Wednesday morning.

            “Lils, wake up please,” a voice spoke whilst prodding me in the side.

            All I could do was groan and roll over, and try to snuggle, if possible, even lower down into my blankets.

            “Come on Lily, it’s not that early!” the voice begged.

            I poked my head up and looked at the speaker.

            “Emma,” I groaned, swiveling my head to look at my clock, “It’s only 5:00 in the morning!”

            “Yes, but somewhere it is 7:00 and that is totally a socially acceptable time to wake up!”

            “Em, are you really trying to be logical with me? At 5am?”

            “Well, that does seem a bit illogical when you say it like that.”

            “Does it now?” I bit out sarcastically. “Em, now I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep, you know how I am in the morning!”

            “I’m sorry, Lils, but you know I would never wake up this early in the morning without a legitimate excuse!” 

            “Alright, fine. Let’s hear it then.” I said, scooting over a little so Emma had room to come lay next to me.

            “Well, there is someone I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.”

            “Mmmkay Em, what does that mean?”

            “Well, I’ve been thinking about them a lot, in _that_ way!” Emma said, growing red.

            “Emma Pernell is this your way of telling me that you have a crush on somebody?” I asked, astonished.

            “Lily, don’t be embarrassing, we are sixteen we don’t get crushes anymore!” Emma said, blushing even deeper.

            “Does that mean you are trying to tell me you _loooove_ this boy?” I practically cried, nudging Emma with my elbow and raising my eyebrows suggestively just to make her blush more.

            “NO! Of course not! This is completely recent…I don’t love him!”

            “Right, so who is this mystery boy?”

            “Well-erm-see. Well-it’s just that. You promise you won’t make fun of me, or pass any sort of judgment.”

            “Em if you have to ask that doesn’t that kind of tell you something?”

            “No! Absolutely not! It’s just; well you aren’t really fond of him.”

            “Oh god Em, you’re killing me! Who?” I said exasperatedly.

            “Sirius…”

            “WHAT?” I shrieked, bolting up in my bed and accidently slapping Emma with one of my wayward arms, and sending a pillow flying onto Hannah’s bed.

            “Ouch Lils, don’t be so violent!” Emma said, rubbing her arm where I had hit her.

            “Sorry, that was completely accidental! But Sirius? Are you joking? He just doesn’t seem like your…”

            “Type…” offered Hannah, who was blinking at us owlishly from her bed, where she was propped up on an elbow looking slightly disoriented and offended.

            “I know, I can’t explain it,” Emma said shrugging.

            “Are you going to even make a comment about how you completely excluded me from this conversation?” Hannah asked, furrowing her brow, and trying to glare at us with her bleary eyes.

            “Sorry Hannah, it’s just I wanted to tell someone with a voice of reason first.”

            “And that’s Lily? Question: when has Lily ever been reasonable…especially when it comes to the Marauders? And I believe her slapping you proved my point perfectly.”

            “Okay, that was an accident!” I piped up, throwing another pillow at Hannah.

            “Yeah Lils, I can tell that you definitely don’t have a violent streak or anything!” Hannah said dryly, throwing the pillow back at me. I scowled at her, and I could see Emma rolling her eyes at the both of us, which was a rare occurrence.

            “Oh right Em, the whole Sirius thing!” I said quickly, “How could we forget?” 

            “Not sure…” Emma said quietly.

            “So what are you going to do?” Hannah asked, scrambling over to my bed, and squishing onto the end of it.

            “What do you mean?” Emma asked.

            “Well…does he like you…?” I asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

            “Lily we aren’t thirteen!” Emma squealed, again growing an unnatural shade of red. It was weird not being the one who was blushing crazily, and I quite liked the change in events!

            “Well you can still know!” Hannah exclaimed. “Has he tried to snog you in a broom cupboard?” 

            “He isn’t like that!” Emma squeaked.

            Hannah and I just raised our eyebrows at her.

            “Alright, so he has a bit of a reputation!”

            Again, just more raised eyebrows.

            “Alright, he has a rather large, bad reputation for being a manwhore!” 

            “Did Emma Pernell just say the word manwhore?” Hannah gasped, pretending to be astounded.

            “Why Ms. Wright, I believe she did!” I exclaimed, grinning.

            “Guys…” Emma groaned.

            “Sorry, right. On task. What are you going to do? We can figure this out!” I said.

            “Of course, so I vote lock them in Black’s natural habitat, that way he will feel comfortable, and he will be able to admit his feelings openly and honestly!”

            “Good plan!” I consented.

            “Guys…where is his natural habitat?”

            “A broom cupboard!” Hannah and I chorused, grinning at the astonished look on Emma’s face.

            “Guys, no! Gross, you better not!”

            “Gross? Really? You just said gross to the idea of snogging the pants off of Sirius Black, the most eligible guy at Hogwarts,” I said.

            “Well, eligible is going a bit far, don’t you think? He isn’t exactly available, you know. Seeing as he just snogs and then dumps girls.”

            “Hannah!” I said harshly, looking at Emma’s crestfallen face.

            “No, sorry Em! That’s not really what he does!” Hannah tried to correct.

            “Yes it is!” Emma moaned dramatically, throwing her arms up, and covering her face with a pillow. “Why do I like the worst guy possible?”

            “Ask the other 99% of the Hogwarts girl population,” Hannah muttered.

            Emma just scowled at her, then retreated back to the coverage of her pillow. While Emma hid from us, Hannah and I were quite busy having a secret eye conversation.

            _Lock them in a broom cupboard? Hannah asked with her eyes._

_Most definitely. Today after our last class? I responded with pointed looks._

_Hannah nodded and we both smiled._

            “Come on Em!” I said, pulling the pillow off of her face. “We’ll brainstorm what you should do, and we’ll have another nice little chat later, yes?” 

            “Yes, yes. That seems most logical,” Emma said, nodding slowly. “And you promise not to do anything rash?”

            “As long as you promise too,” Hannah said waggling her eyebrows, making Emma gag and me laugh.

            “Should we go down to breakfast then?” Emma asked when she finally found her voice.

            “Emma, it’s only 5:30, they-y-they don’t serve breakfast this early!” Hannah said, yawning mid sentence.

            “Oh that’s right; it just seems so much later!”            “I still don’t see why you had to wake me up so early!” I grumbled as I slid back under my covers, and retrieved me pillow, which had somehow made it onto the floor at some point in our pillow exchange.

            “Well I’m going back to bed!” Hannah exclaimed, standing up, stretching, and collapsing back onto her bed.

            “Me too,” Emma agreed. I only nodded and snuggled down into my blankets even though I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep.

            Lying in my bed in the quiet dormitory gave me time to think about some situations that had been slipping my mind recently. For instance Shane, and the fact that Potter got in a fist fight with Snape, which was supposedly about me.

            Alright, Shane. What was going on with him? It was so random, all of the sudden he is interested in me? It seems a bit fishy, but I’m not going to complain about his attention, or at least right now since it is harmless. As long as it stays attention from far away it can’t really do anything, right? I mean if he asked me to Hogsmeade, I would say no. I don’t need the stress of having a date to Hogsmeade, especially with someone I don’t even like.

            I didn’t even want to breach the Potter subject. I mean, him being chivalrous? It was comical and mind boggling, which were two things I didn’t want to think about at 5:30 in the morning!

            I lay there in my bed, not really doing anything except letting my mind wander, which annoyingly kept going back to Potter. By 7:00 I couldn’t stand lying around in my bed anymore, and I decided to go down to breakfast without my friends. As I walked into the common room I was met with a very odd and rare sight. 

            Sirius Black, sitting alone, reading. I couldn’t help but go over. I mean, it’s not every day that you see that, and I couldn’t help but be curious! As I approached, he looked up at me confusedly. We hadn’t really talked since our partially civil conversation in Defense Against the Dark Arts and the whole fiasco afterwards.

            “Well, hullo Evans. How are you on this beautiful morning?” Sirius said dramatically.

            “Oh just fine, Black, and you?”

            “Peachy Evans, just perfectly peachy!”

            I sat down across from him and gave him a questioning look, which he responded to by just looking back down at the book he was reading.

            “These muggle authors aren’t too bad,” Sirius said, looking back up at me.

            “What are you reading?” I couldn’t help but ask. So I am a nerd, kill me now!

            “Wuthering Heights…” Sirius said quietly, avoiding my gaze once more. I was taken aback, Sirius Black reading a muggle classic? He must be up to something.

            “Really? Why, may I ask? Not that I don’t condone it or anything, I love that book. It’s mine and Emma’s favor-” I trailed off as I realized something. “You’re reading this because it’s Emma’s favorite, aren’t you?”

            “Why would I do that?” Sirius said coolly.

            “Oh I don’t know,” I said with a pointed look.

            “I have no idea what you are hinting at Lily Evans, and whatever it is, you are probably wrong.”

            “I’m sure, Black, I’m sure.”

            Sirius stared at me contemplatively before saying, “You’re a stubborn one, Evans. I don’t know why James ever got involved with you.”

            “Psh, Potter and I aren’t involved!” It would have sounded a lot more convincing if I hadn’t sputtered at the beginning, and Black knew that too. I don’t even know why I sputtered. Potter and I aren’t involved. And I most definitely don’t want to be involved with him.

            “I’m sure, Evans, I’m sure.”

            I glared at him; does he really think he can use my own disbelieving line against me? Psh!

            “How about we go down to breakfast, I’m starving.” Sirius said, standing up and placing the book on the coffee table. I looked at him quizzically, but then my stomach growled and he just raised his eyebrows at me.

            “Fine, let’s go.” I consented.

            As we entered the Great Hall, we were met by a very unexpected person.

            “Oh, hey Shane!” I said, surprised.

            “Hey Lily, Black.”

            It was such a similar experience to the one that I had with Remus the other day during patrols that I actually did a double take. 

            “So, Lily-” Shane started.

            “Why don’t you run along and find your little fifth year friends?” Sirius said, cutting Shane off in the middle of his sentence.

            “So original Black, where did you come up with that?” Shane shot back.

            I took a step forward, physically creating a barrier between them. Who knew what they would do with raised tempers?

            “Anyways,” I said, glaring at Sirius, “what were you saying?”

            “Hogsmeade…”

            “Ah, right! It’s this Saturday, remember?” I said, feeling increasingly uneasy. What if he asked me to go with him? He couldn’t do that! Especially in front of Black!

            “Right, about Hogsmeade though-” Shane tried to continue, looking slightly flustered and frustrated.

            “As long as you have a signed permission slip you can go!” I said, trying to improvise different things I could say about Hogsmeade that weren’t date related.

            “Yes, but Lily-” Shane tried furtively to continue again.

            “We have to go Hall, important business to attend to. Not something that a person like you would understand of course,” Sirius said snootily. So maybe he was just jumping at the chance to insult Shane, but he had actually saved me.

            “Thanks Black,” I said quietly and honestly, as we were still only a few feet away from Shane.

            “It wasn’t for you,” Black said gruffly.

            Although I knew it was true it was still harsh, and my offensive front came up.

            “Sorry for the thanks, I didn’t realize appreciation wasn’t allowed.”

            Black looked at me for a moment, a strange, calculating look on his face.

            “Evans, I really don’t understand why James is chasing after you.”

            “To be honest, nor do I.”

**~~**

**A/N~Please review! And please tell me what you think of Shane…I’m not 100% sure about my plans for him and I would love to hear your input!**

              


	6. Friends? and First Names

**A/N~ Sorry for the long wait between chapters…I’ve had a really crappy and hectic week so reviews would be really welcome** **J**

**Disclaimer: If I was J.K. Rowling I wouldn’t be writing on this website now would I…**

**~~**

“Oi Evans!”

            I inwardly groaned at the familiarity of that phrase and the words that usually followed. I sped up my walking so that it seemed like I hadn’t heard. Bloody Potter is a persistent one, though, and he matched my speed.

            “Hey-are you running away from me?”

            He asked it as if it was the most uncommon thing that could happen between us, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him.

            “What do you want, Potter?” I asked, giving in and turning to face him.

            He looked surprised for a minute, but a grin soon took over his face, which slowly turned to a frown.

            “I don’t have something to say…I’m not use to you actually stopping,” James admitted sheepishly.

            “Potter!” I exclaimed. “Honestly, do you have nothing better to do than to bug me all the time?”

            “Honestly, no.”

            His words reminded me of the conversation I had had with Sirius a few days before. It had been bouncing around in my head and I had been trying to make sense of it for days, but I couldn’t seem to place my finger on the peculiarity of the situation.

            “Well, find something to do! Go play Quidditch, snog a random girl, make some commotion in the hallway! I don’t know, just…” I trailed off as I saw the smile spreading again on Potter’s face. “What?” I asked uneasily.

            “You, Lily Evans, prefect, perfect student, stickler for rules, just told me to go and make some trouble. Well, as you very well know, I don’t need to be told twice!” and with that he was off, running through the corridor and cackling all the way.             “No! Potter, that’s not what I meant! Get back here! POTTER!” I yelled after him, but it was no use. Now I could only hope that Remus would be able to talk some sense into him before he did anything rash.

______

            “Have you seen anything shifty happening today?” I asked Hannah while she simultaneously heaped her plate full with food at dinner.

            “No, why?” she asked unconcernedly. 

            “Well I may have told Potter to—well—sort of wreak havoc on the school today.”

            Hannah snorted and rolled her eyes.

            “Why would you do that?” Emma asked, looking at my flushed, obviously embarrassed face, and immediately becoming concerned.

            “Well, he was bothering me, so I told him to go away…in so many words…”

            “AKA, go have free reign of the school while I sit back and watch you and your fine ass, my devilishly handsome lover,” Hannah giggled at the astonished and cross look on my face.

            “Absolutely not Hannah Wright! No! Potter isn’t…no! If I ever think that, I give you the right to slap me across the face, but of course I won’t ever think anything like that because Potter is a prick not a devilishly handsome…what did you call him?”

            “Lover,” Hannah offered with a smirk.

            “Ah, right. Well absolutely not!”

            “Awfully flustered aren’t we?” Hannah said mockingly.

            “Yes, from _anger!”_ I said, putting extra emphasis on the word anger to prove my point.

            “Right, right, right, of course, love!” Hannah joked.

            “Oh lay off her, she’s obviously in a very emotionally distressed state right now,” Emma said, joining in on the mockery.

            “Emma! I expected better from you!” I scolded. 

            “Sorry?” She said even though she obviously wasn’t sorry.

            “I hate you both, I truly do. I need to find some better mates because you guys are crap,” I muttered.

            “Oh come off it Lily, who would be friends with you? You can’t make new friends,” Hannah sniggered. 

            “Yes, definitely new mates, that’s what I need!” 

            “Aw, Lils. You know we’re just joking!” Emma said, patting my arm.

            I just made a face at the both of them and continued eating my dinner.

            “You know, someday your face is going to stay like that, and then I won’t even want you!” Potter joked, walking up to us at the Gryffindor table.

            “Sod off, Potter,” I growled.

            “Isn’t she a rude one?” Potter said smirking.

            “I would have to agree, James. Terrible temper, that one has!” Hannah snickered.

            “Have I made it clear that I hate you?” I asked Hannah with clenched teeth, and absolutely no sign of a smile.

            “Of course, love, but we already discussed that you are stuck with me.”

            “Anyways,” Emma interjected as I was about to say a rather nasty response, “Lily told us that she said you could go wreak havoc on the school…what did you do then?”

            “My lips are sealed,” Potter said, grinning.

            “Twat,” I muttered.

            “What was that Lily dear?” Potter asked sweetly.

            “My name is Evans, and don’t call me dear,” I growled.

            “Someone is having an identity crisis,” Potter muttered to Hannah, who giggled appreciatively. 

            “I give up!” I declared, getting up from the table and starting to leave my half finished dinner.

            “Aw Lils, don’t leave!” Emma called after me.

            I shot them all a nasty glare, and continued walking down the table.

            “Hey! Evans!” 

            I groaned and wheeled around, finding Sirius Black grinning at me and beckoning to the seat next to him. This moment was so reminiscent of my conversation with Potter earlier, I was a bit suspicious, but my stomach was growling still, and I didn’t want to have to go to the common room by myself. If Potter wanted to take over my friends, let’s see how he liked it when I did it too. Two can play the game, Potter.

            “Yes Black?” I asked, walking closer, and standing behind the empty seat next to him.

            “Well have a seat,” He said. 

            I gave him a questioning look, but Remus was there and he wouldn’t do anything to harm or embarrass me, so I thought it was safe to sit down. I sat down, pulling the nearest bowl towards me and filling my plate again.

            “So what’s new, Lily?”Peter asked conversationally.

            “Nothing really, just that your mate over there has taken over my friends.”

            Sirius sniggered.

            “What?” I asked.

            “Well, you left to get away from James, and you ended up sitting with his three best friends,” Sirius said.

            “Yeah, well, I’m hungry.”

            “I can see that!” Sirius chuckled.

            “Oh, bugger off.”

            “That’s not something you should be saying to one of your only mates at the moment!”

            “Lay off it, Sirius,” Remus said, giving me an apologetic look.

            “Aw Moony, we’re just having a bit of fun, Evans knows that!” Sirius whined.

            “Yeah! She’s the one who sat with us!” Peter added.

            “Yes, why did I do that?”

            “Something about your obnoxiously loud growling stomach,” Sirius sniggered.

            “Really? The only obnoxious thing I hear is your voice,” I said simply.

            “Oooh, Padfoot!” Peter piped up, but was silenced with one glance from Sirius.

            “Clever, Evans,” Sirius said dryly.

            I shrugged, but remembered one of the reasons I had come over. 

            “Have you guys—you know—pulled any pranks today?” I asked, hoping for once that they would just be honest and own up to something they did.

            “Ah, we were wondering when the conversation would reach this point,” Sirius said in a false wise voice.

            “Well have you?”

            “Sorry, Lily we can’t tell!” Peter said with a shrug of his shoulders.

            “Why not?”

            “We were sworn to secrecy,” Peter said mysteriously.

            “So basically Potter told you not to tell me anything.”

            “Pretty much,” Sirius said.

            “Great!” I said sarcastically.

            “Sorry, Lily,” Remus said, looking guilty.

            “Right, right, but it’s Marauder code, or whatever!” 

            “Sorry,” Remus offered again.

            “Why can’t you talk some sense into them?” I asked him.

            “Oh believe me, I’ve tried, but they are pretty thick-headed and stubborn when it comes to certain things.”

            “Especially James,” Sirius added, rather darkly for the current situation.

            “Sirius…” Remus warned, giving him a significant look.

            “I’m just saying that he is stubborn,” Sirius said.

            I looked around at the three of them, and I had the distinct feeling that they all were talking about something more than the current situation. And if I would guess, I would say they were talking about me too. 

            “Right, well I’m going to leave now…” I said awkwardly.

            “No—Lily, wait—!” Remus said sheepishly. 

            “It’s fine, I’ve got some homework that I wanted to—er—get done!” I said, more brightly than I was feeling.

            “Evans…it’s Friday,” Sirius said slowly.

            “Yes, well, I actually care about grades, so I—yeah well. See you around Remus,” I stammered, giving Remus a kind of half wave.

            Why does Potter have to ruin every single thing? He just makes everything so—awkward! Even if he isn’t there he still somehow makes it into the conversation. He just makes me, so uncomfortable! There is something about him, just something that makes him seem like he knows absolutely everything. I don’t even know what to do about him anymore. Yelling and cursing doesn’t work, insults and avoidance doesn’t work either. What is left to do?

            I could imagine what Hannah and Emma would say. Hannah would love to dissect this situation. She would say:

            _Oh, Lily, you know what this means! It means that all there is left to do is snog him senseless. Obviously that is what you want to do, you’re just trying to convince yourself otherwise._

            I shuddered just imagining doing something as ridiculous as that. Emma would be much more logical:

            _Lils, maybe you should give James a chance. Not in a romantic way, but just as friends. He really isn’t a bad person, and maybe if you gave him some time he wouldn’t bother you so much. He just wants your attention, and if you gave him attention in a totally platonic way then maybe he wouldn’t be so annoying to you._

I shuddered at Emma’s idea too. Friends, with Potter? Ugh. Why did the Emma and Hannah in my mind come up with the worst suggestions ever? I would run the situation by them in real life, but they currently aren’t my mates, and that could turn into an awkward situation.

            By the time I reached the Fat Lady, I was ready to sink into my bed and finish the potions essay I had been putting off doing. However, I was greeted by something else.

            “Lily!” Sev said, jumping up from where he had previously been sitting against the wall.

            “Snape,” I said coldly.

            He seemed a bit put off by my use of his last name, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. 

            “Can we please talk?”

            “Isn’t that what we are doing right now?” I asked, still with the same cold, distant voice.

            “Please, Lily. You know what I mean.”

            “I have nothing to say to you, Snape.”

            “Since when did I become Snape?”

            “You have always been Snape. That’s your name.” 

            I felt a little hypocritical because before I had told Potter that my name wasn’t Lily, it was Evans, and now the reverse situation was happening with Severus.

            “You know what I mean, Lily…”

            “I don’t have time for this, please let me get into my common room,” I said trying to brush past him.

            “We need to talk!” Snape grunted, pushing me back so that I couldn’t get to the portrait hole.

            “Let me by, Severus.”

            “Not until we talk!” He yelled, frustrated.

            “I don’t want to talk to somebody—somebody like _you_ ,” I spat. I knew the words would hit him hard. They still hit me hard. They reminded me of last year when Sev had called me—that. 

            “Please don’t, Lily. It was a mistake. Can’t people make mistakes? Can’t I have a second chance?”

            “I gave you a second chance, and a third, and a fourth, but you never changed! You are still with _them_ aren’t you? You haven’t changed!” I cried. 

            I tried to keep my voice under control, but it broke halfway through and tears began pouring down my face. Snape deserved to see me hurt; he deserved to feel this pain. I shouldn’t be hurting right now, not more than him at least.

            “Lily, please stop crying! I’ll do anything, I will!”

            “I’ve had enough of this, let me by or I will curse you,” I said in a choked voice, trying again to get by him.

            Again, he didn’t let me by, but this time he continued to hold onto me. His hands had a vice like grip on my arms and a sharp intake of pain escaped my lips.

            “I’ll do anything. Just tell me what. Please, Lily!” He begged.

            “Let go of me, that’s what you can do,” I gasped as his grip became stronger and more painful.

            “I can’t do that, Lily.”

            I began to cry again, not only because of the fight, but also because his grip was so strong now it felt like my arms were going to be squeezed off.

            “Let go of her,” a voice growled from behind me.

            Snape’s eyes widened and his hold on me loosened a little, but not completely. I knew I recognized the voice, it sounded so familiar, but my brain was reeling, and my thought process wasn’t working correctly.

            “Stay out of this,” Severus said dangerously quietly.

            “I said, let her go!” the voice grew louder and more forceful.

            Snape’s hands went slack, and his face became, if possible, paler.

            “Don’t point that at me!” Severus said, trying to reach into his pocket for his own wand.

            “Get away from here,” the voice said, “and don’t come back, or try to talk to her again. She’s had enough of you.”

            Snape gave me one last searching; hopeful look, but I just avoided his gaze. He bowed his head and ran away, but not before I could hear the sob escape his lips. That was the last straw. I sunk to the ground, cradling my arms and letting more tears fall down.

            “Lily, are you okay?” the voice said, bending down in front of me, and pushing hair away from my tear stained face.

            I looked up into the bright, worried, hazel eyes of James Potter. He looked so concerned, that I couldn’t help crying some more. Why did he just help me? I’m so rotten to him, how can he just not care, and push it all aside? 

            “Lily, don’t cry.”

            Although the words were the same ones Severus had said before, they were spoken differently. Severus had sounded desperate and nervous, not sure of what he was going to do if I didn’t. James, on the other hand, sounded genuinely concerned and worried for me. He sounded like he knew exactly what to do if I didn’t stop, and he did exactly that.

            He collected me into his arms and stroked my hair and murmured inaudible things into the top of my head, and it all sounded so cheesy and cliché, but I began to feel better. My sobs subsided into occasional hiccups, and my breathing slowed down to a regular rhythm, and although I could never imagine doing this while in James Potter’s arms, I began to relax. 

            “Thanks James,” I murmured.

            I extracted myself from his arms and I began to stand up.

            “What?” I asked him confusedly. James was giving me such an odd look that I couldn’t distinguish the emotion behind it.  It looked halfway between pure joy and something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

            “Nothing Lily…feel better.”

            I couldn’t help but look at him strangely, but all he did was smile at me and help me through the portrait hole. Which believe me, I tried to refuse, but my head was still throbbing and my thoughts were still askew everywhere—and well—I needed the help. 

            Wow, look at me, accepting help from James Potter— _my knight in shining armor_ —. There must be something wrong with me—I should go see Madam Pomfrey, she’ll know how to fix me right up!

            


End file.
